What I’m going to say will be controversial; but all of it, even the parts I made up, are true. As of the start of the new fiscal year (that would be today), the state of California is flat busted broke. HOW BROKE IS IT? So broke that if I answered that rhetorical question with a sharp-edged punchline the world’s eighth largest economy might have to be put on suicide watch. It can’t afford to pay a good portion of its bills, so it’s mulling issuing IOU notes to the people they hired to design their promissory notes.
Lazy thinkers have been placing the blame on an unprecedented financial crisis that pushed California’s precarious financial situation over the edge and state Republicans who actively strove to ensure there would be no compromises that would steer the ship away from the iceberg, but as I said, those people lack the intellectual rigor to suss out reality. The fact of the matter is, the universe is punishing the Golden State for making the Terminator its leader.
There are exactly two things the universe feels strongly about: Finding the perfect goulash recipe and keeping celebrities with thick Austrian accents out of political office in America. You must keep in mind that the universe is vast, and it’s reaction time often seems slow to those of us who aren’t the universe. So while it may be tempting to think the 2003 recall of Gov. Gray Davis and ascendancy to power of Arnold Schwarzenegger (pictured above saluting Adolf Hitler) have nothing to do with the current situation, I assure you they have everything to do with it, and the worst is yet to come. A plague of the zombielike poor who were unceremoniously dumped from the state’s welfare programs and non-violent criminals the prisons can’t afford to keep will roam the streets, Hollywood movies will be worse than usual, and the blighted land may finally be cast into the ocean…
