I have never been one to deny my loyalty to the Holy Father, Dark Pope of the Sith, Benedict XVI, and the Holy See. On the heels of the COMINTERN’s International Women’s Day, the official newspaper of the Holy See, Osservatore Romano, has revealed the secret of Women’s liberation. After many years, our Holy Father has at last revealed the great enemy of the Patriarchy and spawn of Satan’s loins, which has set about the world on the path of woe and ruin, leading to our once great civilization to wallow in the filth and depravity of sin… Our great enemy, according to our Holy Father, is none other than the washing machine.
At last the true nature of the enemy has been revealed, and it is time for us to take action and smash down the great leviathan who resides in our basements and leads our women into lives of sin. I say to you, nay, I demand of you all men of the one true faith, the universal and eternal Catholic Church, raise up your hammers in action and smite the demon of the Whirlpool which has stolen away from us the innocence of our women!
This is our holy mission, our crusade and test of faith. We must save our women, our children, and our faith from the abyss… I pray in this, our darkest hour, that the grace of God is on our side in this our most holiest of endeavors. Godspeed, my brothers.
