The early adapter’s lament (cry me a river)
by Robert Starvation
No amount of kvetching can make a single iPhone worth $1 million in damages. Dongmei Li has a sense of entitlement that even dwarfs that of most Apple devotees.
It is pretty obvious in hindsight
by Ryan Jovian
Who could have predicted that boy band magnate Lou Pearlman would turn out to be a greasy, child-raping con man? Apparently everyone.
Rolling out the new atrocity
by Robert Starvation
War. Huh! What is it good for? Extending the United States’ control over the Middle East, if the neoconservative cabal at 1600 can sell ordinary Americans on the idea of engaging Iran militarily.
The pagan throne at CNN
by Robert Starvation
Bill O’Reilly’s startling admission that CNN has a pagan throne raises a million and one questions, none of which the cable network has yet deigned to answer.
The more disturbing subtext has been missed
by Ryan Jovian
In case you were thinking about asking Charlie Sheen to your next party, you may want to read this story before you send out the invitations.
I don’t think I want to hear this
by Ryan Jovian
Tact, thou hast no place in Internet advertising.
Children’s Book Review: Swordbird
by Sam Pagan
Far be it for Sam to criticize a twelve-year-old girl who wants to impart a message of peace to the world, but her book about birds who can talk and fight with swords was so stupid, she couldn’t help herself.
Unwanted affection
by Robert Starvation
Ron Paul’s presidential campaign has been more successful than anyone could have imagined. With success comes a price, though, in the form of white supremacists who like what they see.
Patriots Hate Indie Rock
by Ryan Jovian
The Department of Homeland Security should stop pretending their seizure of Chris Walls’ new solo album had anything to do with national security and fess up: they wanted a sneak peak.
Sarkozy gets his divorce on
by Robert Starvation
He’s powerful, he’s well-dressed and he’s back on the market. French president Nicolas Sarkozy just got his divorce on, ladies.
Dumbledore has the gay
by rex opolis
ZOMG Hogwart’s own Albus Dumbledore was more of a penis man! This changes… nothing, really, and just goes to proves that gay wizards are just like everyone else in the Harry Potter universe, in that they too were denied their eroticism.
Blackwater: Blackguarding, Black Gold and Bear claws
by KK4
Be afraid. Be very afraid. The Nazis had the Brown shirts, Mussolini had his Black Shirts, Lenin had the NKVD and George W. Bush has Blackwater USA.
Sarah Jessica Parker happy despite her unsexy horse face
by Robert Starvation
As a man, Robert would just like to say he has no idea how anyone can be attracted to Sarah Jessica Parker. Unkind comparisons to horses follow.
When that Biological Clock needs a good smashing… with Thor’s hammer
by Sam Pagan
Sam posits – and the Norse God agrees – that women shouldn’t have to have children if they don’t want to.
Atheist Hallmark cards
by Robert Starvation
Pure. Marketing. Genius.
What I learned from Disney: Nazis are bad, racial stereotypes are funny, Club 33: Enticing, elite, and expensive as all hell
by xtine
Over the years, Disney has taught xtine many valuable lessons. For example, did you know Walt Disney was not a Nazi, just a tacit bigot? And were you aware that Donald Duck’s name spelled in reverse is “Kcud Dlanod”? That doesn’t sound much like a Nazi name, does it?
Heather Mills tells others how they should be drinking milk
by Robert Starvation
Complete waste of space Heather Mills’ recommendation for healthier living: Drink rat’s milk. Our response: What, are you high?
Upcoming Horrordays – I mean Holidays
by Sam Pagan
Sam never did get around to visiting the historical roots of Christmas and that whole mistletoe business…
Wishing You All The Best
by Jessica Nitowski
If you cared at all about the state of the economy, your credit card debt after Black Friday was astronomical.
A Slightly Quieter Riot
by Ryan Jovian
Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Muhammad the Bear
by Isaac James
Gillian Gibbons is obviously “an arrogant woman who came to our country, cashing her salary in dollars, [and] teaching our children hatred of our Prophet Muhammad” for allowing her classroom to name their teddy bear the most common name in the world.
Extermination of Iranian Homosexuals? All In A Day’s Work.
by Jessica Nitowski
Way to have a terrible human rights record, Iran.
Is this what you call democracy?
by Robert Starvation
More and more, we’re seeing how the Bush administration’s claims to executive privilege tie in with our country’s unconscionable torture program.
Clinton camp hits the panic button
by Robert Starvation
Hmm. Hillary Clinton isn’t so inevitable after all. She knows it, too, which is why one of her senior campaign advisers tried to slime Barack Obama with the suggestion that he may have been a drug dealer in his youth.
The war on Christmas also over
by Robert Starvation
Okay, you caught us. There really is a secular conspiracy to destroy Christmas. As long as you don’t tell anyone, Robert will delineate the 16 point plan.
