2009 was not an easy year. In the midst of the worst economic crisis in living memory, certain adjustments had to be made. Some of our veteran writers posted less, or went off the grid altogether. Those who did stick around often had to contend with competing priorities, with writing for the love of writing trailing behind the need to have a roof over their heads and food in their bellies. Despite these hardships, Re:Generator was still capable of rising to the occasion, producing work as good as or better than anything we’ve done since we burst onto the scene in the boom days of 2006. We welcomed talented new writers into the fold; we gave coordinated and entertaining coverage of San Diego Comic-Con, and appeared in an episode of Hey Ash Whatcha Playin’ filmed at Penny Arcade Expo; we painted a fairly accurate portrait of life at the beginning of the Obama era, agitated honkeys and all; and we held on to our collective sanity by the skin of our teeth. These are no small accomplishments, and we hope hope you, like us, see better days as we enter a new decade.
The power of baby animals
by Sam Pagan
Looking at pictures and videos of baby animals increases workplace productivity. In related news, butterball the corgi is intimidated by stairs, and expresses his fear in the most endearing way imaginable.
How Long Before the Gestapo Starts Rounding People Up?
by Jessica
Ever wary of governmental measures that infringe on our freedoms, Jessica sounds the alarm on the latest wave of invasive, Big Brother tactics to plague our land.
Real actors talk about the zombie gaypocalypse
by Robert Starvation
There’s a storm gathering. A gay storm, sodomizing the sky and forever corrupting the airspace over America with its impurity.
Let’s make a deal!
by Robert Starvation
We’d like to take Texas Governor Rick Perry up on his threat to secede from the Union. Indeed, we think everyone would be better off if we parted ways, especially under the conditions we’ve outlined.
Focus on the phallus
by Sam Pagan
The next time someone says something disparaging about your penis, tell them it makes a very effective tool. And also to fuck off.
In which much is revealed
by Ryan Jovian
If Cheerios is a drug, then we are all addicts.
Can’t stand the American way? Join a group!
by Crow Skyler
Democracy, like life, never exactly turns out the way you want it to. If you’re a social conservative, you don’t let reality get in the way of a good persecution.
Because You Need to Get Drunk Now, More Than Ever
by Jessica
Our recommendation: Ryan Jovian brand moonshine. It’s cheap, it gets you drunk quickly, and it may contain trace amounts of polonium-210. Re:Generator is not legally liable for blindness or death.
Teachers wish they could do that…
by Crow Skyler
Robert Gibbs is White House Press Secretary by day, ghostwriter of Miss Manners by night.
In Memoriam: Earl, King of the Hill, and Many Others
by Jessica
With King of the Hill gone, Fox’s Sunday night is three parts Seth McFarlane, one part Simpsons way past its prime. D’oh!
Canadian hardcore
by Robert Starvation
Baby seals can’t help that their raw hearts are delicious. It’s the way God made them.
Warning: Do Not Enter
by Isaac James
Needless to say, it was not altruism that motivated a Swaziland Parliament Member to recommend tattoo branding of individuals with HIV/AIDS. It was a love for outrageous tattoos.
The kosher cold war
by Robert Starvation
President Obama has flipped the script on relations with Israel. It’s so weird… it’s like he thinks before he acts. Are presidents allowed to do that?
Barack Obama in Cairo
by KK4
Fresh from pissing off the Jews, Obama extended an olive branch to the Muslim world in a speech that has already had demonstrable effects in the region, some of them even positive!
Bacchanalia: Palo Santo Marron
by Jordan Schwab
“Rhapsodic” would not be too strong a turn of phrase to describe Jordan’s overflowing emotions towards the Dogfish Head Palo Santo Marrow. The man loves his microbrews.
Precocious preteen hates Pacman
by Sam Pagan
In which a precocious sprog’s assertion that video games have a negligible impact on humanity is handily disproven.
Why are we listening to John Voight?
by Ryan Jovian
Jon Voight looks like a mentally disturbed derelict who by chance stumbled upon a clean set of clothes.
An open letter to extremists who hate ways of life that differ from their own
by Robert Starvation
Hey crazies, we need too talk. I think I speak for a good portion of the nation when I say we’re concerned – that you’re going to shoot us to death over the way we live our lives.
1 in a million dangers of youth
by KK4
Some people have all the luck. A German student struck by a small chunk of meteorite is not one of those people.
Anti-Stab knives for England
by Kyle
What’s next? Rifles that blast out puppies, rainbows and fairy dust? Because that sounds way better than normal firearms that shoot regular, non-magical bullets. Odds are that will be the hot Christmas item in 2010.
Stay classy, Bacardi
by Crow Skyler
It’s not that Bacardi is misogynist, it’s just that it displays contempt for women in its advertising campaigns. Oh, that’s covered under the rubric of misogyny? Nevermind.
Gravy train derailed in PA
by KK4
Jon and Kate can’t break up! Somewhere in their contracts they’re explicitly forbidden to do so!
The Death of a King
by Isaac James
Michael Jackson is dead. Long live Michael Jackson.
Fantastic cruise opportunity!
by Kyle
Why pay $7000 to kill Somali pirates when you can kill Americans for free?
Stonewall Riots
by Isaac
In the 40 years since the Stonewall Riots introduced us to people who were here, queer, and needed us to get used to it, gays have come a long way. There remains much work to be done for their civil rights, however…
