2009 was not an easy year. In the midst of the worst economic crisis in living memory, certain adjustments had to be made. Some of our veteran writers posted less, or went off the grid altogether. Those who did stick around often had to contend with competing priorities, with writing for the love of writing trailing behind the need to have a roof over their heads and food in their bellies. Despite these hardships, Re:Generator was still capable of rising to the occasion, producing work as good as or better than anything we’ve done since we burst onto the scene in the boom days of 2006. We welcomed talented new writers into the fold; we gave coordinated and entertaining coverage of San Diego Comic-Con, and appeared in an episode of Hey Ash Whatcha Playin’ filmed at Penny Arcade Expo; we painted a fairly accurate portrait of life at the beginning of the Obama era, agitated honkeys and all; and we held on to our collective sanity by the skin of our teeth. These are no small accomplishments, and we hope hope you, like us, see better days as we enter a new decade.
Hot-Blooded, Check It and See
by Crow Skyler
I got a fever of a hundred and three. Come on baby, do you do more than dance? I’m hot blooded, I’m hot blooded.
Masturgate
by Robert Starvation
India’s cricket team coach Gary Kirsten: Best coach ever, or best coach in the history of the universe?
First Annual Long Beach Comic Con! In O Snap format!
by xtine
She came, she saw, she took some pictures. Later, she drove home and went to sleep, though that’s not relevant to the Long Beach Comic Con.
Hypnokitteh
by Ryan Jovian
Since at least the turn of the last century, feline hypnotherapists have been at the cutting edge of their chosen field.
Is it just us, or has Jesus become less selective in where he chooses to appear?
by Robert Starvation
What would Jesus buy? A $499 EKTORP sofa, a $119 LEKSVIK coffee table, a set of $79.99 KLUBBO nesting tables, and one $3.99 LINGONMOUSSE for the road.
Women-only taxis in Mexico
by Sam Pagan
To paraphrase Aerosmith, Pink! The color of women-only taxis.
Sit on a penis
by Ryan Jovian
In addition to the function nature intended them for, whale penises make fine upholstery for luxury SUVs.
Scaring the piss out of you: The future
by Robert Starvation
The Hadron Collider is working, and the earth hasn’t been destroyed by the hubris of scientists. It’s safe to say the theory expounded herein is probably incorrect.
Reasons why I miss the Bush administration
by KK4
Do you miss the good old days, when men were men, dames were dames, and everything wrong with America could be laid at the feet of two-term president George W. Bush?
Some vagina dentata nightmares with your candy
by Sam Pagan
“You know what market the Fleshlight has failed to penetrate?” some moron in middle management must have asked his underlings recently. “Twilight moms.”
The winner of best geek wedding of 2009
by Sam Pagan
Nerdy girls do gay marryin’ right.
Said the Spider to the Fly
by Crow Skyler
Humanity has to be only one or two slides down the slippery slope to having real life Spider Men, fighting crime and constantly saving their saintly old Aunt Mays.
Beast flu!
by Robert Starvation
Thanks to years of painstaking research and observation, we now know ferrets travel in pairs, chirping cutely while playing tricks on humans. They also make excellent thieves…
Old habits die hard
by Robert Starvation
But teaching old dogs new tricks is not as difficult as previously stated.
Bad dog!
by Robert Starvation
If Robert thought he could get away with it, he’d stick the YouTube video “Butterball Downstairs” at the end of every post.
Got a beard? Going to the Middle East? Better shave!
by Sam Pagan
The Middle East may want to rethink its stance on mandatory beard farming.
Beauty fail
by Robert Starvation
Someone needs to stand up to the Scandinavian Beauty Complex and tell them there are beautiful people the world over. Oh, well. Some other time, perhaps.
Invasion of the Plant People
by Crow Skyler
Terrarium People and human beings can peacefully coexist, if only the Terrarium ambassador can stop condemning our race for feeding on plants and animals instead of sunlight.
Pigasus the Immortal Boar and others I couldn’t make up if I tried
by Sam Pagan
Pigasus became immortal after chancing upon the fountain of youth while sniffing for truffles.
I want you to bow your head with me right now
by Ryan Jovian
Most people don’t think of Ryan as the praying type. What they don’t realize is he’s constantly praying, but only about three very specific things.
Drunklando at the Movies: The Twilight Saga: New Moon
by Drunklando
No, we couldn’t go a whole post without mentioning Twilight again.
Depression shall not don a bikini
by Sam Pagan
Insurance companies hate when the general public has feelings of goodwill towards them. That’s why they work so hard to keep those feelings to a minimum.
Whatever Martha! If I Wear One of Your Prison Panchos, I Don’t Need to go on a Diet!
by Lizz Gloomcookie
The best part of all this is that after Stewart told her female viewers to lose weight so as to fit into overpriced dresses, her next segment was on chocolate.
It’s all about the Roosevelts, baybeh
by Sam Pagan
Dr. Dre would be rolling in his grave if he saw this… and also, if he were dead. And if he hadn’t made this totally sweet ad for Dr. Pepper.
Is the Bible too liberal for your tastes? and The Fabulist Bible Project
by Monika Molluska and Robert Starvation
The King James Bible, one of the cornerstones of the western literary canon, has been around an awfully long time. It couldn’t hurt to freshen it up for the hip-hop generation, with their “hook-ups” and their “eye-pods”. That sounded like a lot of work, though, so we just rewrote Christ’s origin story as originally told in The New Testament, Luke, Chapter 2.
