Re:Generator National, Politics
January 25th, 2009
Robert Starvation
With the Illinois Senate’s impeachment trial set to begin soon, Governor Rod Blagojevich has taken to the time-honored tradition of throwing spaghetti at the wall hoping something – anything – sticks. Blago’s rhetoric, which until recently oscillated between “delusional” and “ZOMG crazy,” now marches out unconnected spurious claim after spurious claim at a level of shamelessness surpassing Baghdad Bob’s. They strain credulity to the point that if his excuses were placed next to ones we invented out of whole cloth, you might not be able to tell the difference. Let’s test that, shall we?
Lawmakers are working to unfairly usurp his democratically-mandated right to be governor of the great state of Illinois because:
As a hard-working cowboy who will do anything to defend Illinois against higher taxes, he has to be destroyed.
State lawmakers are jealous of his good hair and winning personality.
His political opponents are the Japanese and December 9, 2008 was his family’s personal Pearl Harbor.
Blago rages against the machine. The machine hates that.
He’s the only honest politician left in Illinois. As such, he stands in the way of complete and total corruption in his state.
Like Nelson Mandela, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Mahatma Gandhi before him, he’s being persecuted for standing up for human rights.
Give some effort to the task of separating fact from fiction before the real reasons Gov. Rod Blagojevich is giving for his impending lynching by “black-hatted political insiders” are disclosed under the fold. No cheating!
As a hard-working cowboy who will do anything to defend Illinois against higher taxes, he has to be destroyed.
State lawmakers are jealous of his good hair and winning personality.
His political opponents are the Japanese and December 9, 2008 was his family’s personal Pearl Harbor.
Blago rages against the machine. The machine hates that.
He’s the only honest politician left in Illinois. As such, he stands in the way of complete and total corruption in his state.
Like Nelson Mandela, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Mahatma Gandhi before him, he’s being persecuted for standing up for human rights.
There has to be a way of quantifying just how insane Rod Blagojevich actually is.
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