Does the bad news ever end? When we predicted the econopocalypse – back when people like us were written off as paranoid doomsayers, which is only halfway true – we threw out some pretty bleak scenarios, and most of them came true, except for the one about the hideous ninja manbats overthrowing the federal government and changing America’s currency to guano. But no matter. We were right, most others were wrong, and if I hadn’t lost my job like 669,000 others in March, I might even be a position to feel something that resembled gloating. But instead there’s fear, and loathing, and a mild dislike for Ramen noodles, and the sense that the economy will never improve and nothing makes sense. I know I’m not the only one. The deeply unsettling malaise pervades every corner of American life.
And now I see that the stock market has taken another plunge, but in an extremely unusual way, which is to say upwards. And The Associated Press is proclaiming that the recession is bottoming out, which can only mean that unless their economics writer Christopher S. Rugaber was rapping his fists on dark mahogany the entire time he was writing his report, the manbats are working their way through the extensive tunnel systems of DC, on the verge of making meat pies out everyone the American people have elected to represent them, and many a bureaucrat who wasn’t. We might as well burn our paper money to keep us warm now.
