Raw seal heart tastes like sushi and is rich in protein. We know this because in a show of solidarity with the Inuit people, Michaëlle Jean, the Governor General of Canada, nabbed a chunk of a freshly slaughtered pup and nommed away on national television. After returning home from her reputation-changing stunt, in a show of solidarity with people who entertain thoughts of eating other aesthetically pleasing animals, Jean went to a pet store in a nearby mall and bought two ferrets, which she decided not to go through the trouble of preparing and instead ate – alive! – in the food court. On her way to her car, she noticed a middle-aged woman walking a Pomeranian and in a sudden fit of predatory impulse, grabbed the poor animal and absconded with it. The owner reported the incident to Mounties, but neither Michaëlle Jean or the animal has been sighted since. It is presumed she’s underneath a bridge somewhere, picking the dog’s bones clean.
