The squabble started normally enough, with regular commenter Schweppes going after Re:Generator for being in America at all:
Just so everyone else knows, the US isn’t the entire planet.
Jessica, author of the piece undergoing Canadian bombardment, suggested that perhaps he
Do your homework before you try to make writers look like jackasses.
He didn’t take to kindly to this.
Jess, you’re my hero. You know what makes you look like a jackass? The fact that you assume I didn’t already read the entire article before I posted, or the fact that I probably already read it off yahoo, or the fact that I also probably have read it on a dozen other news websites. Who posted it a day before you did. … Lick my nuts.
We chronicle this back-and-forth not for the purpose of singling anyone out, but to set the stage for what came next – a comment so epic, so radiant with power, we placed it below the fold to prevent accidental blindness.
Was that invitation to lick your nuts only to Jess or was it an open invitation to everyone here on ReGenerator? I mean I assume they must be colossal, because most people who use internet blogs to talk shit have very large testicles, and judging by the fact that 90% of your comments are negative in tone towards the author of the post or previous commentor, they must be, like I said, quite impressive.With that said, I believe all of the regular readers and staff of ReGenerator should plan a day to go to Schweppes’s house, apartment, throne in the sky… I’m really not sure which it is, and furiously caress his God like “nuts” with our tongues, as he browses the internet, becoming more and more frustrated with every click of his mouse, how news stories are repeated again and again, until he finally finds a website where someone has the NERVE to post a story one day later with a humorous comment linking readers to the original story, in case they hadn’t read it. At this moment I have to assume his nuts, which we are all currently licking, deflate in balloon like fashion, spewing mass amounts of semen up onto his ceiling, walls, keyboard, and everything else in his living quarters, like a fore mentioned super volcano. As he wipes the semen from his keyboard to eagerly try and make one of the volunteer writers, who is just trying to keep this noble forum going, feel stupid by posting an un-American piece of his mind, his orgasmic joy begins to quickly fade as he comes to the realization that everything soaked in his Canadian love butter is beginning to stiffen as it drys. As he freezes in position like an ancient victim of the volcanic eruption in Pompeii, he realizes that once again he has been foiled by the evil of America. By a web page based on a publication started by two men, one Starving and one Jovial, IN AMERICA!!!… IN A…mer..i..CA!, the irony over takes him, along with the cementing juices of his loins, and he is no longer able to type.
It is a sad, sad day for the rest of the ReGenerator community. Oh, but don’t worry, we all slipped out the back, once he found the website, to hose off.
Happy New Year! —Jonathan
How could Schweppes respond to that? How could anyone respond to that? Jonathan had opened the Pandora’s Box of blog comments, and the world had changed as a result. Sensing this, he did what anyone with an, er, lick of sense in them would do, and admitted
I just got internet owned.
