Alkaline Trio entered my life in the strangest of ways. A friend sent me a letter with stickers she got from Warped Tour back when I was 15, and in this bundle was a promo sticker for Alk 3’s “From Here to Infirmary”. Actually, no. That was just the revisitation. The initial meeting was on a Vagrant Records compilation. Now that I think about it, I asked a friend if he knew someone on Epitaph so he could try and get me a date with Matt Skiba instead of Vagrant. Fuck. Well, someone on Epitaph might know someone on Vagrant that can pass along the message, right? Yeah, right. The sad message of some sick 24-year-old creepy girl wanting to take Matt Skiba to a movie. What have I become?!
Hear me out before you judge. It’s not as weird as it sounds. Like I was trying to state in the previous paragraph, I have been into the Trio for several years, and in these several years I have seen quite a bit of them. Within these shows spanning from the years 2001 to present (dad wouldn’t let me go to punk rock shows until I was a sophmore), I had met Derek and Dan, but never Matt Skiba. He was this ellusive being that eventually became this even bigger goal in my hormonal, sex-charged mind. I had to meet him. It was like this itch that needed to be scratched. And it never happened. I met and even befriended major label rock stars, but I couldn’t meet Skiba! It drove me insane!
But last Friday, it happened. And it was fucking awkward.
After an amazing show at The House of Blues on Sunset, I went to the backstage door area and asked the guard where was the best door to wait by to try and meet Matt. He jokingly told me the one you need a pass to get near. I told him I’d just stand outside the main door and cross my fingers. After a few minutes of standing there, I started talking to this guy and he asked why I want to meet him so bad. I admitted it wasn’t much more than the fact that I haven’t. I’d loved this band for so many years, been to so many shows, and have never once met the guy. It was annoying. And I even admitted I was a bit scared to actually meet him. What if he was a complete prick and all that desire was wasted? At that moment, he got up to check on something and waved me over to the dressing room door. I was shocked, but made no hesitation. “Don’t take too long” he said as he opened the door to Skiba’s room.
I don’t know why this securtity guy decided to show mercy and allow me such a gift, all I know is that generousity will stick with me forever, and in time I hope to return the favor and keep that circle of good faith going. I walked down the hallway to the room and saw Skiba, shirtless and surrounded by several people. It didn’t take me long to realize he knew everyone on those couches and standing about him. Everyone but me. I felt a sudden wave of heat flood my body. I had no idea what to do, what to say. And at that moment it didn’t really matter, because everyone was trying to talk to him. There was this bitchy broad, probably someone’s girlfriend who thought she was better than everyone because of whoever she was fucking that spotted me out and tried to talk me into cutting the sleeves off my Misfits shirt. That made me even more uncomfortable, and made me sink further down the wall I found myself leaning against and looking back the hallway, wondering if it’d be more awkward or weird if I just ran away. But I knew I’d be pissed. I’d given up my only chance, and was granted this random opportunity. I couldn’t just shit on it.
So I waited until people started to leave and then he looked at me. The words exchanged weren’t very memorable. He was nice, and I was nervous for the first time in forever. I felt like I was 16 again, talking to this guy that was larger than life and really hot. But he was right in front of me, and had I felt more comfortable, maybe I could’ve actually held a conversation. I was an intruder, and it was painfully obvious. I dropped the ball, panicked and mummbled something stupid before shaking his hand and walking out.
Then I was pissed. I should’ve had that moment! It should’ve ended with me stealing something! Or maybe some life changing conversation that would change my life forever! I blame the setting. I was way out of my element and my personality and character suffered from it. I turned into a a pile of shy goo. It was so unlike me, and I still can’t wrap my head around why I sucked.
Now I’m stuck in this weird loop in my head of what I actually did and what I should’ve done, like that scene in High Fidelity where John Cusack’s character is confronted by his ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend. Should I even post this or maybe I should deny it happened and try it over again? Maybe if no one mentions it, he’ll forget (or hopefully he already has) and when I meet him under better circumstances I can be less of a creep and maybe actually take part in some sort of conversation. This is so dumb. I’ve hung out with Johnny Marr and was totally cool with it, despite the fact that his poster with Morrissey was in my first apartment’s bedroom. But Skiba left me gawking like a teenage girl who wet her panties for the first time. What. the. FUCK?
Skiba, if you did not heed my warning, I want to let you know that you have humbled me. And if we ever meet again, let’s not mention this, okay? I learned my lesson. P.S. Wanna see a movie sometime?
