While it may not have looked that way to the casual observer, one Portland middle school had a serious hug problem. Principal Allison Couch of West Sylvan Middle School maintains that it got so out of control, her students couldn’t pass each other in the hallways without indulging in hugs. Classes were missed. Lives were ruined. Principal Couch couldn’t sit idly by while hug use spread like a virus. In late February, hugs were banned on campus.
Couch stresses this isn’t your everyday, carefree hugging. This is hugging gone wild.
[It] appeared to her that some students were hugging others who did not want the sign of affection. In a March 10 memo written to other school district officials, Couch wrote, “Several parents have called because their child is being hugged, and because there is a ‘culture of hugging’ here they didn’t feel that they could say no.”
In at least one case, hugging was used as a form of mockery — when two eighth-grade girls hugged a seventh-grade boy, she said. “‘They did that to be mean,’” Couch said the boy told her later. “‘They don’t like me. They did that to be mean.’”
Also, parents reported that girls were using hugging as a game to see how fast boys could become aroused, Couch said, adding, “I was seeing evidence of it.”
Does West Sylvan Middle School have school-sponsored dances? Because if school administration is in the business of boner-killing, they’re going to have to ban slow dances all together. And segregate classes by gender. And ban inter-gender communication between classes. And further separate students who display a proclivity for same-sex attraction. And teach through headphones, so any distracting noises or ideas are cut out. And blindfold students during school hours – except those who are aroused by being blindfolded. Mandatory hormone therapy may also be instated. If the onset of puberty can be delayed until the children go to high school, it will be someone else’s problem.
