Prosecutors across the country have come up with a novel way to circumvent statutes of limitation:
They’re charging half-eaten food, saliva-crusted glasses or other inanimate objects with the crime. That’s because prosecutors now have DNA evidence as a way to get around statutes of limitations. One way to make sure a criminal doesn’t get away by hiding long enough is to simply charge the DNA itself, and wait until the DNA is matched to an actual person.
The best part is, the evidence doesn’t whine about its rights or how it needs to talk to its lawyer! It can be detained indefinitely! Isn’t living in an incipient police state awesome?! I’m sure something of this unprecendented nature is only used in violent crimes cases, and done so responsibly!
Denver police are so aggressive that they worked on a case in which a car window was broken and just $1.40 in coins were stolen. A drop of blood was found on a car seat. When no match came up in the database, they went even further, checking for near-matches in what’s called a “familial DNA” search. The name of a convicted felon came up. In the end, the felon’s brother was arrested.
…Oh.
