Despite my recent reviews, I conclude that the library’s scent is rather dull. I recommend a jungle theme with a real life lion as your mascot. Maybe an “expedition to the library†rather than a book would add excitement to the smell.
Vote Democrat.
–Anonymous quote from off the suggestion board.
There are certain quirks about ‘patrons’ that just crack me up. I think what makes it so amusing is that these quirks aren’t limited to one or two people, but droves of them. The vast majority, in fact. Sometimes I have to wonder if there is a secret meeting hall where they all rehearse, and that maybe this whole thing is really just a highly elaborate hoax.
As we learned in my first installment of Going Librarial, people seem to enjoy standing around in the lobby and watching me work before we’re officially open. This bugs the hell out of me. You may be wondering why we don’t just lock our doors prior to business hours. The reason we don’t is because we also serve as a college library, which likes to keep separate hours. Therefore, we smile at the public beginning at 8 a.m., but will not let them check anything out from the public side until after 10.
But – for a few glorious weeks out of the year (namely, winter, spring, and summer break – autumn is not worthy) the college is on holiday and we get to shut out the public until 10 a.m. These mornings are simply glorious. We listen to music. Good, fun music, not the classical elevator kind – I’m talking about old movie soundtracks from the 80’s. So while we check our inter-office email, we dance around like fools to The Cure, get wired off our morning coffee, and occasionally talk to one another vicariously through paper bag puppets. I suppose we do a little work, too, but if I told you about spending two hours discharging one book after another, you’d start going librarial in a matter of moments.
Even more fun than the music and puppets is watching the people outside who are simply baffled by the notion that our doors are locked. This is one of those universal things that I mentioned above. What makes it hilarious is that everybody does this. Here’s what happens:
People walk up to the automatic door and nearly hit the glass. Like confused birds, they back up and try again. Sometimes they even do it three times for good measure. They look up at the sensor, they even wave their arms (I don’t think they realize that we are watching them while doubled up with laughter). Utterly perplexed, they walk over to our list of hours and read the sign. Then they check their watch. What’s amazing is that every single person does the watch check. They know what time it is. They know it was 9 a.m. when they pulled up in the parking lot, but they still have to check. Just in case. They stare at the hours some more. Maybe at this point they are pausing to ask themselves why, in God’s name, are they even at the library this early? Really. It’s a library. Even I can admit that we’re not that cool.
But it’s not over yet. After checking the sign, they clasp their hands behind their back and stroll over to our bulletin board, which is encased in glass beside the entrance. They read about upcoming events. At least, they pretend to read. Then (and this is always my favorite), they turn around, walk back to the display of business hours, and read it again! Was it supposed to magically change to 9 a.m. while they were pretending they weren’t looking? Are the doors supposed to fly open because they will it so? Little do they know that I’m behind the desk, pointing and laughing, and positively thrilled to be closed and listening to great music while they stubbornly sit outside for an hour rather than go find something else to do for the remainder of the time. There’s a park right down the street. If it was me, I’d be sprinting down the road to go feed the ducks. But then, if it was me, I wouldn’t be going to the library at 9 a.m. of my own free will, either…
