The sound of carols echo in the distance. Colors of red and green flood the streets. That special feeling is in the air. Yes, Christmas has finally arrived… and you couldn’t care less. Chances are you’d rather burn Frosty before a yule log, wassailing is the last thing on your to do list (right behind a voluntary root canal), and your role model is Ebeneezer Scrooge.
If this sounds like you, then congratulations, you have a lack of Christmas spirit. The horrible part is you have to deal with the festivities every December. Though Christmas is hard to avoid in today’s world, it’s not impossible. Just follow these sure firetips, and you’ll dodge the holiday bullet for the entire season.
Unplug your cable box. Just about every station is going to start flooding your house with Christmas specials and commercials. Unfortunately, this is unavoidable. The easiest way to get away from this is to cut it off at the source. Who needs to watch the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy anyways? Break out your favorite DVDs, or whittle down that Netflix queue. Come January, the storm of cheer should have passed, and your cable box can be used again.
Become color blind. Since pretty much everyone and their aunt will be dressed in festive colors, you’ll want to avoid them. It doesn’t matter if these colors are in your usual wardrobe. The last thing you want is to be confused for someone who actually cares about Christmas. Bring out all of your gray, blue, black – basically any dreary colored clothing you have. It’ll let everyone know you’re not to be trifled with, and possibly let you blend into the terrible weather, like a drab humbug soldier. It will hopefully hide you from those who might try to lift your spirits.
Be the death of the party. Parties in mid-to-late December will be Christmas themed, and you’ll want no part of it. After all, sharing in present giving, delicious food, good company, and hours of fun isn’t exactly your style. Instead, get reacquainted with ‘you’. Spend time alone at home, maybe take some long walks on the frozen beach. You might discover you have an affinity for underwater basket weaving. That’s the kind of fun you’d prefer to have.
Say it loud. Were you aware that they make products to represent your disdain for the holidays? Get on the Internet and find your billboard to show the world how you feel. Find a black and white Santa hat with the words ‘Bah Humbug’ on it, or maybe a t-shirt with a big X over a candy cane. If people see that you’re in no mood to suffer holiday joy, maybe you can avoid any of those hassling neighbors or friends who want to include you in the festivities.
Using these steps should make you a better holiday killer than the Grinch on his worst day. In fact, don’t be surprised of all this efforts goes beyond your wildest expectations, ensuring you never get invited to celebrate any holiday throughout the year!
