He’s been on toast and pancakes, in a lava lamp, on broken meteors and clouds, and once in burger grease, but Jesus the Christ has never appeared on the bathroom door of an Ikea in Glasgow. Until now. People whose bladders and bowels were on the line have noticed a face on the door that can only be the savior of mankind… or maybe Gandalf… no, definitely Jesus. If it was Gandalf he’d probably have a wizard hat, or look like he was screaming “You!… Shall!… Not!… PASS!”
This latest appearance speaks to the inexperience of Jesus Christ’s new agent in heaven. It’s no secret that very few qualified agents make it past the pearly gates, so He takes who He can get. And while Christ let His previous representation go after a demeaning gig at a Tampa Chuck E. Cheese’s, that incident could be from the days of wine and roses compared to what the new guy’s getting Him. Humiliation aside, Jesus is actually a big fan of lingonberries and Swedish meatballs (actually, the original translation of the New Testament claims He “Died for our lingonberries”), so the experience wasn’t a total loss, but He plans to look more carefully at His event calendar from now on.
