Suck it, Octavius. The deaths of the entire crew of the doomed ship which got stuck in the ice in 1762 in an attempt to find the mythical Northwest Passage trade route may have failed miserably, but these days navigating the gaps between the Arctic ice pack is remarkably easy.
Thanks to our friend global warming, what once was an impenetrable field of certain destruction is now the Panama of the great, bitter North, practically begging seaborne vessels to glide through its dripping walls. And what Hinterpanama wants, Hinterpanama gets. You can’t argue with its loyal army of penguins polar bears and narwhal, the horned whales which are sometimes called “reamfish,” and for good reason.
So before you find the continental United States awash with dangerous Arctic creatures, we should give in to their trade demands. Tell your Congressmen to vote for the infrastructure that will allow ships flow freely through the passage, bearing useless trinkets from Russia and Japan at slightly reduced prices. Do it for the former Soviet bloc, who would gladly be the new Mexico and/or China. Do it for capitalism, which after all, kicked communism’s ass, making it possible for Russia to be the new Mexico and/or China. Do it for the Narwhal, who I’m pretty sure have all the magical properties of unicorns, but underwater.
