Some athletes stock up on carbs before a big game/match/drunk driving arrest. Others abstain from anything that could upend their focus. But the coach of India’s cricket team has urged his players to bolster their pre-game ritual with some sensual seduction.
“From a psychological perspective, having sex increased testosterone levels, which causes an increase in strength, energy, aggression and competitiveness,” the manual reads in pseudoscientific jargonese. … “If you want sex but do not have someone to share it with, one option is to go solo whilst imagining you have a partner, or a few partners, who are as beautiful as you wish to imagine. No pillow talk and no hugging required … just roll over and go to sleep.”
If the player feel he needs pillow talk, the manual recommends the soloist talk to an actual pillow.
This being conservative Hindu India, the same country that burned effigies of Richard Gere for kissing a co-star, and threatened to jail Elizabeth Hurley and her new husband for public displays of affection at their wedding (sensing a theme here?), Bhagavad-Gita thumpers are up in arms at the thought of players touching themselves. The threat of nuclear annihilation by Pakistan? Meh. Masturbating athletes? Sound the alarm!
