More determined than the average Democrat, Sen. Hillary Clinton is eager to spread the message that she has the true grit, nay! the nigh-testicular ovaries! to be president, because she… wait for it… because… WAIT FOR IT… because she loves guns. Usually, Democrats with White House designs hold off until early summer to show the first noticeable signs of gun fever*, when internal polling showing that while red staters value competence and a basic understanding of how the economy works, they’ll vote for a gibbering retard if he has the manual dexterity to squeeze a trigger in carefully edited footage sent to major news outlets.
Hillary can’t afford to wait that long, because time is running out for her to split her party down the middle. If she doesn’t get a decisive win in gun-loving Penn’s Sylvania, then – gasp! – it will be much harder to pit superdelegate against superdelegate in a brokered convention. And so Hillary Clinton, longtime proponent of gun control, is gushing about how gosh-darn much she enjoys duck hunting.
Clinton’s newest pose of earthy machismo comes on the heel of comments by Sen. Barack Obama about some people feeling, oh, disenfranchised and embittered by a federal government that only makes their lives worse. She immediately began hammering Obama as condescending and elitist – and if you want to show how elitist you aren’t, talk about your cheerful enjoyment of slaughtering animals, maybe have your surrogates question if your opponent is as Christian as he says he is. Asked when the last time she used a weapon or went to church, however, she bristled, insisting it isn’t relevant. Perhaps Mitt Romney Hillary should have worked out some appropriate, down-to-earth-sounding lies before jabbing the NRA pin onto her lapel.
*According to medical professionals, gun fever usually clears up in mid-November of election years.
