What keeps the Internet running smoothly? If you said “dedicated servers”, you do not deserve love in your life. The answer, it should be realized, is cats – cats whose grasp of the English language is rudimentary, cats who have taken up music instruments, cats who enjoy the health and taste benefits of broccoli, cats that bloodied their paws by authorizing genocide in Nazi Germany. The Internet is build on cats. Their hairballs are thrown like coal into the ever-burning fires of triviality, and if you listen carefully enough, you can discern that every time an email is sent there is a faint but audible meow.
To drive cats out of their domain is to invite disaster. Remember A Day Without A Mexican? No, I didn’t see it either, but I’m assured a catless Internet would be similarly catastrophic. See? Cats have even infiltrated that word. That’s why Urlesque’s 09.09.09 Initiative (A Day Without Cats on the Internet), while well-intentioned, is certain to spell doom for us all. Cats have interests to protect, and they’re not afraid to use their claws. We’d have better luck – and less scratched up faces – trying to scrub away all the porn clogging up our tubes.
