Any god-fearing, meat-eating, truck-driving, tobacco-chewing, red-blooded, Muslim-hating American should despise indie rock. Why you ask? Because indie rock is a threat to national security.
Guitarist and producer for the band Death Cab for Cutie Chris Walla’s original digital files from his upcoming solo album were confiscated by the Department of Homeland Security at the Canadian border, while attempting to ship the hard drive containing them via courier. It’s unknown what vile terrorist plot the raw audio data contained, but you can be glad to know it’s been stopped before it could get out and harm any Americans.
Says Walla of the incident:
“Luckily, the tapes are Plan B, so while I’m bummed about the whole thing, it could be a whole lot worse,” he laughed. “I still get to play music. I mean, I’m not at Guantánamo or anything like that. I mean, my drive might be. They could be water-boarding my drive for all I know.”
No official word has emerged from the Department of Homeland Security, but I can only assume the government’s next logical step is to invade The Decemberists.
