Young fathers: I’m sure you’ve all been here before. You’re feeling peckish, so you grab a Hungry Man out of the freezer. Glancing at the instructions, you decide against a conventional oven because you don’t want to wait another twenty-five minutes before you can scarf down your prefab meal. Humming fragments of a Christian rock song, you set the appliance’s timer for seven and a half minutes, press start and realize much to your horror than Satan has made you put your infant daughter in the microwave.
Texas officials call you an unfit parent and take you into custody. No one seems to believe you or your wife when you tell them Satan made you do it because he didn’t want you becoming a preacher. Oh, you’re definitely preacher material, only you’re more like this Preacher than someone who gives homilies.
Your wife’s appeals to public understanding fall on deaf ears. “That was not my husband; my husband is a wonderful father. Satan was working through his weaknesses.” She insists you’re not a monster. And you’re not a monster, are you? Abortionists are monsters. Atheists are monsters. Illegals are monsters. You were just momentarily distracted by the Morning Star.
Child Protective Services says they’re going to make sure you never see your beautiful daughter again. Why would they do that? Don’t they understand? They’re probably in league with Satan.
