Are you tired of educational institutions that program students with FACTS YOU DON’T LIKE? Does it make you CRY LIKE THE MIGHTY EAGLE? Do you wish there was an academic way to tie together VAN JONES, CHAIRMAN MAO and MISSPELLED ACRONYMS? You can take a break from praying to your WELL-MUSCLED, MANLY GOD for a CURE TO THE DISEASE OF LIBERALISM. The prayer you weren’t aware you were praying for has been answered. BECK UNIVERSITY, like JESUS CHRIST, will SAVE MANKIND.
Much like our FOUNDING FATHERS, Glenn Beck is a strong proponent of learning, but only from the VOICES IN HIS HEAD. The voices have so many interesting things to say, things that would BLOW THE MINDS of the COMMIE FCC and insufficiently conservative Fox News advertisers. This is college BY THE PEOPLE, FOR THE PEOPLE and ON THE INTERNET. Unlike those ELITIST LIBERAL UNIVERSITIES with ACTUAL PHYSICAL LOCATIONS, you never have to leave your WELL-FORTIFIED BUNKER.
Glenn Beck would totally teach the classes himself, but he’s extremely busy FIGHTING SOCIALISM BY YELLING. But don’t fret. Glenn’s specially selected professors are also AFRAID OF BLACK PEOPLE and OTHER DISEASED FOREIGNERS. The wisdom they impart will last a lifetime; in your case, three more months, when the government takes all the guns JUST LIKE IT DID IN THE TURNER DIARIES. So cozy up to your computer for FAITH 101 – 103, HOPE 101 – 103 and CHARTITY 101 – 103. It’s your PATRIOTIC DUTY to A FUTURE LEGITIMATE WHITE PRESIDENT.
