Re:Generator Uncategorized
February 20th, 2008
Robert Starvation
Wisconsin was a close one… for about twelve hours before the results started streaming in, in which time a swath of confusing polls and ominous rumors made Obama supporters question whether their candidate could actually pull a win off in the state. Maybe, just maybe, Hillary Clinton would have an upset win, setting off a devastating chain of events ending in her prophesied coronation. That fear proved to to be ungrounded.
The Big O snagged Cheeseheads by 17% over the opposition, a sizable margin. If anything, the possibility of Hillary snagging the nomination through anything but firebombing Obama’s campaign headquarters while he’s in it is far afield from reality.
Hawaii’s margin of victory turned out to be, even for a “home” state, extremely lopsided. Obama won the islands that think they’re so great off in their own time zone 75.7% to 23.6%. Only the Virgin Islands has given the current Democratic frontrunner more love.
With Ohio and Texas smiling upon anyone-but-Clinton a little more every day, it’s time we review the Clinton campaign’s proven strategies for losing:
Don’t bother to familiarize yourself with the rules. Why would you need to know the specifics of primaries in, say, Texas and Pennsylvania if your inevitable nomination will be wrapped up after Super Tuesday?
Spend campaign contributions like you won’t need them after Super Tuesday. Then, when it becomes evident there’s a long fight ahead, leak to the press that you gave yourself a loan. Pity and panic contributions will surely help you catch up with a competitor taking in roughly a million dollars a day.
Insult states that don’t view you favorably. Insist you only really need to sweep seven or eight to run a country with 50 of them.
Attack your opponent in the primaries with the ferocity of a Bush Republican. Because if there’s anything Democrats like, it’s being split down the middle with divisive attacks, then being promised you and your proxies are only going to amp up the bitterness.
Prize loyalty and chicanery over competence and innovation. Patty Solis Doyle and Mark Penn, we’re looking at you.
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