Bill O’Reilly’s surprising revelation about CNN’s pagan throne raises one thousand and one questions. Since O’Reilly casually mentioned it in conversation, are we to presume the greater cable news industry already knew about this? Why are we just now learning about the throne? Why did they feel the new to obfuscate this from the public?
Who sits upon its gilded frame? Ted Turner? Larry King? Soledad O’Brian? Or do all the anchors take turns, with Anderson Cooper cutting in line so Wolf Blizter doesn’t have time to sit on it before his broadcast? How much weight can the throne support? (Lou Dobbs is a rather stout man.) Does the throne provide adequate back support? Where is the throne room?
What pagan gods do CNN employees worship? Are they hired because they are pagan, or are they forced to convert? Is their worship non-denominational, or do their loyalties lie with, say, Sumerian deities? Are animals or humans sacrificed in the break room? Are magical rituals performed? If they have the gods in their corner, why aren’t they getting better ratings?
