10. The Rapture. Oh, it’s coming alright.
9. Global Warming. Totally a myth.
8. Increased Hurricane Season. I thought we’d finally be rid of the South.
7. Pulling out of Iraq. Always pull out, kids. Always.
6. Not seeing Brittney Spears’ Vagina. Hey, I’m not complaining here.
5. Completion of the Portola Bridge. Seriously, kids, they built the pyramids faster.
4. Winter. We had two summers and two falls. What the fuck?
3. Joaquin Phoenix’s Oscar. I just know that at some point they are going to give this piece of shit a statue for his amazing style of acting, also known as whispering like a douchebag.
2. Roth unseats Mary Bono. It could happen, except it didn’t.
1. Re:Generator Magazine became a smash hit. We get smashed, and then we get hit, but not both at once.
