Just prior to being shot out of a cannon with such force that a Gonzo-shaped hole in the top of the circus tent bore witness to his passage, Alberto Gonzales opined in a spellbinding oration to a captive audience at Bolling Air Force Base that “Over the past two and a half years, I have seen tyranny, dishonesty, corruption and depravity of types I never thought possible.” While anyone following his stay at the Justice Department during that time might assume he’d finally taken a long, hard look at his situation, he wasn’t actually referring to himself or his friends in the executive branch. Like so many who have frequented our institutions in recent years, it strains incredulity for imagine him ever feeling a twinge of guilt over mangling the law for crass political purposes.
And so his time as Attorney General was at an end. Gonzo the Great waved to the crowd one last time, then, marked by a clamorous boom, he was propelled towards the American Southwest, never to be seen abusing such a high and important office again. The blue weirdo’s legacy was remarkably unimpressive, save one terrible feat: he made us miss John “Let the Eagles Soar” Ashcroft.
