Larry Craig may no longer be a member of the Singing Senators, but he’s not giving up his spot in the United States Congress quite so casually. After it was disclosed he had been arrested for soliciting sex in airport restroom, He said he was going to resign by September 30 if his judge refused to allow him to withdraw his guilty plea. What he really meant was “Fuck that; not even a hot, steaming man pile is going to keep me from voting against legislation that might help gays, which, it just so happens, I totally am.”
You can’t help but admire that Craig is so effectively poisoning the well for social conservatives. There’s nothing Republicans would love more than for their headline-grabbing anchor to go into exile; instead, they have a gay Senator deeply in denial whose every unironic utterance infuriates Neanderthals who openly wish they could force all homosexuals back into the closet, then set that closet on fire. Craig is now a Gonzoesque quagmire for the GOP, a player so desperate to hold on to their power that has compounded the situation far more than would have happened if he’d stepped down before his indiscretion came to light.
Each day Craig stays in office – stripped from important committees and loathed by his ideological comrades-in-arms, but still a weight around their ankles – is a good day for America. We love Larry Craig. We hope someday, he can learn to love himself, while still sticking it to the minority party.
