And now, keeping up with keeping up, I bring you the second consecutive edition of WTF!? I just so happened to have gotten two excellent questions from my first article, so I will answer those, plus one or two others that I shall come up with much like the last ones. Question the first is actually one of those ones that I should have thought of originally, because I do get asked it quite often…
If I get my dick pierced, will I pee out of every hole?
Depending on the type of piercing it is, the answer is yes! Just think of how exciting it is to have your own private fountain every time you take a piss! The catch is is that the piercing has to go through the urethra, like the ever popular Prince Albert, Dolphin, or Jacob’s Ladder. But don’t worry about it too much. Urine is totally sterile and actually helps clean the wound more than anything. The only thing that would cause a problem is if there is some type of bladder infection that could then pass through the urine and into the wound.
If you get your nose pierced do boogers collect on the jewelry?
From personal experience I can with all confidence say yes they do. Regular nose ring cleaning is needed, and can generally be done in the shower or with a tissue. Or my way, which is with a finger, out in the public with everyone watching and not really giving a fuck. If you get your nose pierced be ready to have your finger up there on a more than regular basis. However I can say that for all of you boogaphobic individuals out there rings tend to stay cleaner than studs.
I just asked me mate if he had any frequently asked stupid questions, and he came up with this one:
So, um, am I able to use my tongue ring after I get it done?
By “use” they mean “give oral pleasure to whatever whore they have decided to fuck tonight”. The answer is NO! Seriously man, for both parties sake, give your tongue some time to heal. You really shouldn’t be sticking that thing anywhere for a while, like at least 2 weeks. Oral piercings tend to heal pretty fast, depending on what kind of healer you are and how well you take care of it, and if you can’t wait a couple of weeks to “use” it on whoever you were asking about then chances are we just saved you a trip to the doc and a shot of penicillin.
And because I really don’t feel like answering another question, and found this extremely entertaining, I am going to post something that one of my friends stole from Modified Souls. Learn this, people. For serious. Or else you will just sound like an idiot for the rest of you insignificant life.
“Being a piercer, as we all know many things bother me. Most of all “Gauges”.Today a customer said this to me. “I want something simple in my lip, not gauges or anything like that.”
To some people I am sure that sounds just fine, hell I’m not a idiot, I know exactly what he thinks he said to me. The problem is “Gauge” is a unit of measure.
To be exact it is “American wire gauge,” a standardized wire gauge system used for the diameters of round, solid, nonferrous and electrically conducting wire. It’s also used for the thickness of Body Jewelry from 18Gauge to 0Gauge. The wire gauge stops at 0. After that is 00 or 3/8 then everything else is in inch increments or millimeter.
So when Billy Bob comes in to a shop asking “Where are the Gauges?” or “Can you gauge my ears?” or even just saying “Sweet Gauges!” that covers almost all the body jewelry in the case. So then I start to drift off wondering if the little school bus knows one of it’s window cleaners is missing.
So I have come up with some real life non-piercing examples to help people out.
Q. Hey Dave, how tall are you?
A. I’m inches.Q. Hey Dave, how far is it from Columbus to Cleveland?
A. It’s miles.Q. Hey Dave, how old are you?
A. Me? Well I’m years. Thanks for asking.Yes, it kinda makes me sound like my parents are cousins, doesn’t it?
So remember kids, “Gauge” is a unit of measure. Not a magical word for every piece of jewelry that you can put in your ears. [seriously]“
And remember, if you have any questions about ANYTHING feel free to ask in the comments section or send them to TornFromTheRoots@gmail.com.
